A barbell might have saved me…

A barbell might have saved me…

I was chatting today to my lifting bae about the fact we have cellulite and for both of this is a matter of anxiety. Both have trained for aesthetics for a long time. Im about to put 15 years pf pain and crazy into a short few paragraphs so I hope it translates.

For me, issues with my body started in high school wanting boys to like me but really wasn't more that teenage angst. It wasn't until first year uni that is all went very very wrong. I was studying performing arts at uni and was made to feel like my looks and weight were not “commercially viable”. One of those things I was able to control, my weight. I moved to Melbourne and still just wanted boys to like me and got on a roller coaster of diets (starvation), alcohol and binging.

Then I found exercise. Exercise stopped me staying up all night partying but I also discovered I could lift weights and not eat any carbs, only eat a few calories and get skinny. The problem is it only lasts for a short stint before the body starts hanging on to weight for survival and you gain a bit. Combine the extra weight with the feeling of failure being a fitness professional they put on weight and you have 1 big crazy mess they was probably a big part of losing a boy that used to liked me.

I swapped to a cardio based sport and again lost weight and was able to eat more. I suspect this was more due to the change in energy system and not the sport itself…. Problem is its not sustainable. Injuries happen. I fractured my leg… Guess what happens next ? I gain weight….

I start lifting olympic lifting at crossfit . Guess what happens next ? I gain weight…. and its awesome

These 2 photos are nearly exactly 2 years apart, 10 kgs heavier today…. that number doesn't mean anything… my legs are bigger but those same legs recently squatted 110 kgs, dead lifted 115kgs, snatched 45kg, cleaned 67.5kgs so If they are bigger then there were 2 years ago, thats ok cause I have big plans for them in the next 2 years.

Im not saying I'm ok all the time.... but Im working with women who want to change their bodies so very badly and i think its necessary for all women and men to appreciate their bodes for the cool shit it can do not what it looks like.

I have cellulite but I also have a great squat and guess what a also learned? boys like my better this shape anyway…